CONFESSION #872

CONFESSION....

I secretly eat Vienna Sausages.

Yes, the gross little mushy sausages you have to clean the goo off of to eat.

...and I love them.

I have had a secret addiction to them lately.  Especially at night.

This confession comes after eating 4 little viennas and tempting myself to go back for the other 3.



I recently found the 50% less fat brand and that opened up the door to my allowing the snacking to begin.  Typically they are TERRIBLE for you.  Well of course there is the obvious processed "meat" problem, but with the sodium and fat content you can burn up 140 calories on just 3 little sausages.  So naturally I thought I was getting quite the bargain when I can eat the WHOLE can for what half the other can is.

...then we ran out of the 50% less fat brand.  Did that stop me from consuming them?

Not even close.

So in an attempt to steer clear of the remaining deliciousness that is currently awaiting in the refrigerator, I am typing these words to remind myself that in theory THEY ARE REALLY BAD FOR YOU AND YOU SHOULD NOT EAT THEM.

Make me smile, Monday

 

The morning stretch

so it's been 3 weeks since the BIG DAY!  We got married September 3, 2011 and I weighed in at 178.0 on the wedding day.  That's 11 pounds lighter than when I started weight watchers and roughly 15 pounds lighter than I weighed last winter/spring. 

Not bad if you ask me. 
Not bad at all.

Since the wedding I have gone on to maintain (well...mostly maintain) my weight loss by only gaining 1-3 pounds back.  This still fluctuates from day to day, but I am really surprised the weight is staying off.  Especially seeing as how I abandoned tracking any "points" of any kind in my weight watchers journal. 

When LIFE started happening again, I lost all commitment to weight watchers and I had to start focusing my attention on more than just record keeping, basic math, and food portioning.  I started back to school stuff, my mom was diagnosed with cancer, and the wedding was within weeks.  LIFE hit me hard and I was in no position to make rational decisions about "points." 

....essentially I was falling apart in the middle of my life and I wanted chocolate and cheeseburgers.  I felt as though what I was going through was justification enough and the weight watchers people would truly understand if I bailed off the bandwagon.

I have been noticing my school clothes fit better and I have slightly more energy before at work. BUT just when you start getting used to your "NEW AND IMPROVED" weight, you start noticing that you could lose a few more. 

The double chin isn't as single as you thought it was. 
Your muffin top is no longer a double layer cake, but more like a bad spare tire hanging around. 
Your arms still jiggle. 
Your endurance still poor.
and even though your pants fit better...it still takes the Morning Stretch to really break them in.

You know what I'm talking about. 
...We are all guilty of doing it. 

The morning stretch is when you go to put your shirt on--you put the mid section of your shirt on your arms, then carefully move your arms in and out to gently stretch your shirt just a smidgen.  Then you put your pants on and proceed to do some light squats in your bedroom to get them just right.  

All in all, I praise my new weight and I am glad I am able to be proud of the accomplishments I have made.  I just have to set a new goal and go for that one now.  (***Which, by the way, will be difficult with all the delicious fall baking I want to be doing.)   

Battle between woman and scale

Last week I had a bad week. 

I realized just how much I rely on food to be my emotional crutch when things go wrong.

The only good thing that came out of the amount of food I pounded back last week is I didn't GAIN any weight.  I however did not lose any either.  not even an ounce. 
...but after the way I ate,  I will take a small victory where ever I can get it.

Although, the scale has been stuck on 184 for a couple of weeks now. 
I can't seem to break through it.

The number 184 has been flashing back at me every single day.
taunting me. 

CONFESSION TIME:
One morning I stepped on the scale.  The number said 187.  In my sleepy stupor I did something irrational and fulfilling.     ...I gave my scale the bird.

Surely not my finest moment, but encompassed my true feelings on the battle between woman and scale.

forgiveness

I had a great day of dieting.  Going back to work did wonders for taking the snacking out of my day.


HOWEVER....I can't seem to stop eating this evening.

I did great at dinner.  Grilled Chicken Sandwhich with a side salad and Italian dressing.

Then I had some veggie straws.
...then I had some more.

THEN I had a couple of buffalo wings.
..then I devoured a hunk of summer sausage.

I am going to blame this on "that time of the month" issues and call it a day.

...I hope the scale will be forgiving.

The mirror

 I look in the mirror and I don't see my double chin (*as much) anymore.

I look in the mirror and I feel like my waist slowly appearing again.

I look in the mirror and I see my skin clearing up slowly.

I look in the mirror and I can't imagine how I ever thought I was too fat at 160 pounds.  I long to feel that small again.

I look in the mirror and I find the wrinkles appearing on my forehead and the crows feet at the corners of my eyes.

I look in the mirror and I don't see that fresh teen face I used to have.  I see a face that somehow, without my knowledge or consent, has aged.  Dark, puffy circles under my eyes and tired appearance... ven when I am fully rested.

I look in the mirror and I wonder when the last time I tweezed my eyebrows was....but I will wait for another day so I will have clean eyes for a special occasion.

I look in the mirror and I wish this body hadn't gotten so out of control so quickly because it is taking way more energy to fix it that it took to make it.

I look in the mirror and I look into my mom's eyes.  My dad's round face.  My genes that are assisting me in my body's journey to weight gain and aging.

I look in the mirror and I am oddly satisfied for today. 
hard to believe I know.

I am oddly satisfied with how I look today because I can see the progress I have made. 

I can't change the wrinkles. 
I can't take the puffy, dark circles away (*Even though Loreal makeup claims it can). 

I can embrace that I am growing into a new body...because these woman hips won't ever fit in those hip hugging college jeans.

I can discover a new lifestyle.  One with age wrinkle creams and watching the foods I eat.  And not just as I am eating them.

I look in the mirror and I am beginning to accept me. 
Jiggly arms. 
Spare tire. 
Extra chin. 
Crows feet. 
Dark circles. 
Woman hips. 
They are all part of me now. 

I look in the mirror and things don't seem so bad this morning.

I feel...

20 minutes--bike: 5 miles
10 minutes--treadmill: 1/2 mile
10 minutes--push ups/crunches: 3 sets of 10 each
20 minutes--weights-legs and arms: 5 machines, 3 sets of 10 each

I feel oddly restful. (does that mean I may pass out later?...maybe.) 
I feel proud of my motivation (I watched "Say Yes to the Dress" to keep me focused)
I feel accomplished of what I did at the gym today.

And I know with all that I did today, I am REALLY gonna feel it in the morning.

Power

I believe I made a milestone accomplishment today.

I said NO to a cookie.

Talk about shocked.

I refused the deliciousness of a cookie all in the name of the all mighty Wedding dress.

Who knew a dress could hold such power over a person?

This is just the first NO in a long line of other NO's I will be doling out until September 3.

At the reception, snakes and skunks couldn't keep me away from the dessert table.

...okay...maybe those things might, but if someone stands in my way too long they might lose a hand.
I'm just sayin.

success smells like pudding to me

Made omelets this morning. 

The husband-to-be had a 3 egg omelet with peppers, onions, mushrooms, and cheese with a side of lightly fried ham.   I had a 2 egg white omelet with fat free cheese, onions, peppers, mushrooms, and 2 slices of fat free turkey.  I am pretty sure I may be just as full as he is. 

We had a big salad with leftover lasagna last night (THANK GOODNESS it is out of the fridge now).

On a side note, I lost one more pound.  I am so close to 179 pounds I can smell it. 
Oddly enough, it smells like pudding.

I have found that sugar free pudding and jello has been my savior this week.  Allowing me to feel sinful, while really staying miraculously on track.

THANK YOU Snack Packs. 
Thank you, for being there for me as a child and as an adult.

weight: 184

Deep Dish Lasagna

There is a deep dish homemade Lasagna in the fridge.

I'm pretty sure it's delicious.
...I bet it tastes even better since it is cold and the flavors have settled in together overnight.

There are two rows left in the dish.
I bet if I got my paws on it, I would look something similar to Garfield the cat when he got a pan of lasagna in front of him.

So I will continue to stay in the living room, mere steps away from the kitchen, occupying my time with tv shows, wedding projects, and coffee. 

Even though it's a low fat lasagna.

Made with ground turkey, fat free cottage cheese, fat free mozzarella, and low calorie sauce.

FOCUS. FOCUS. FOCUS.

weight=185

ZIPPED UP

So I have a confession. 
...which is fitting since my blog is clearly titled that I have a lot to confess in this dieting game.

I have been losing for a very specific reason.   The dress I bought....wouldn't zip.

I finally submitted defeat. 
Waved the giant white granny panty flag.

I took my dress in to be altered.  I was going to have a lace up back put into the dress because in 3 weeks on weight watchers I have only lost 4 pounds.  I had higher expectations, I will admit.  I thought I would lose more.  I suppose I am losing the expected amount, but with everyone else around me losing weight hand over fist, I wanted to see dramatic results too. 

Dramatic results occurred when the seamstress zipped my dress. 
And not just mid-way up.  --ALL the way up.

I no longer had a 3 inch gap in the dress.  How is this possible you ask? 
...I don't know.  At this time I am not questioning it rather I am embracing it.   Sometimes the Wedding Gods just throw you a bone and you simply bow in their presence of tulle and ribbons.   I didn't so much bow as squeal and dance around a bit.

This dress news did give me renewed motivation to continue strong even though the results are minimal.  



In other news: 
I do not recommend Campbell's LIGH Chicken Gumbo soup.  I could have chewed on my foot and it would have tasted better.  After 3 spoons full, it was poured down the drain.   Diet or no diet, I am not subjecting myself to that.

Don't get me wrong: I'm pretty

I'm not gonna lie.  I don't see myself as a "Fat chick."

Chubby, yes.

Fluffier than most?  You betcha.

THEN something happens that takes your frame of mind and boggles it. 

While I should be celebrating how killer awesome we look (**like I did in the other 700 pictures!) I can't help but focusing on these two things.  These two things consume me.  These two things have made me realize that I have the classic signatures of a true fat girl. 
**I have the big flabby chicken wing arms with the crease that goes all the way across at the elbow. 
**I have the wide thighs and excess skin around the knees when my legs aren't extended. 
**I am way thicker across my mid-section than I feel.

None of these things I have noticed until these pictures came about.  I have taken on a whole new outlook on what I need to be doing to shape my body.  I am refocusing.  Up till this point I have been solely concentrating on burning the fat with cardio. Tonight we went into the gym and we integrated weights into our workout.  

...and I'm talkin about the 7 pound dumbbells. 
Yeah, I'm hardcore like that.

In other AWESOME news...
--my gym owner is awesome.  He was helpful, excited, and encouraging when he learned of our wedding news.  He isn't judgmental about your size, but he doesn't sugar coat the facts.   That's refreshing.

--My handsome hubby-to-be is SUPER awesome.  Not only does he accompany me to the gym and support me in my weight watchers lifestyle, he has even said he wants to do it with me.  He is going to be there for me every way he can, and that means the world to a starving girl.  He also got competitive with me in the gym today.  It was cool to add that element into our workout.  We pushed ourselves harder by trying to keep up with one another.  In a nut shell, he's awesome.

--Less awesome news---
I haven't lost another stinkin pound. not even one silly little pound. 
...but I won't stop trying.

Snacks and Soda Pop

Americans eat roughly 570 calories more per day than they did in the 1970s, according to a new study. While supersize portions are partly to blame, steady snacking is the bigger culprit.

"We're a generation of constant eaters," said Barry Popkin, distinguished professor of nutrition at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Popkin used surveys to probe the American diet since 1977. Americans began eating more in the '80s and '90s, but in recent years, they've begun eating and drinking more often -- like almost all the time.  "It used to be you'd have three meals a day. And if you snacked, it was unsweetened tea or coffee," said Popkin. "Nowadays, everywhere you turn there's food. If you're driving, you have a big bag of Doritos next to you while you drive."
 
More than one-quarter of adults in the United States are obese, according to a 2010 report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention -- a proportion that has steadily grown over the past 30 years as Americans tend to "eat more and do less," said Dr. David Katz, director of the Yale University Prevention Research Center

 

"We joke about the 'see food' diet. We see food and we eat it," said Katz, explaining how Americans have come to expect food at every turn. "People panic at the thought of spending a couple of hours somewhere where there might not be refreshments on hand."

Despite their growing obsession with food, fewer Americans are willing to sit down and enjoy it.

"We're no longer eating at a table with a knife and fork," said Keith Ayoob, director of the Rose R. Kennedy Center Nutrition Clinic at Albert Einstein College in New York City. "As a society, we think it takes too long to eat a bowl of cereal. We want a breakfast you can hold in one hand."

As a result, Americans choose foods that are loaded with flavor and calories for immediate gratification, only to feel hungry again an hour or two later.

But it's not just salty foods that are expanding the nation's waistline. Sugary drinks like soda, fruit juice and sweetened coffees pack on the pounds too.  "We're drinking ourselves to death," Popkin said. "Several hundred of these extra calories are coming just from drinks."  Popkin said he hopes the study will be an eye-opener for people who might not realize how many calories they're consuming.

"We have to focus a lot more attention on cutting down how often we eat if we're truly going to do something about this as a society," he said. But in a world where people are perpetually bombarded by food and drink advertising, it won't be easy.

"We don't need to have food every couple hours, so we need to change the environment so that we don't encounter food everywhere we go," said Katz, adding that a little willpower can go a long way.


www.goodmorningamerica.com

Heidi Montag

My momma always said, if you don't have anything nice to say--don't say anything.

So that explains the break in blogging. 
I honestly had nothing but complaints and nagging to express.

I have officially been on weight watchers one full week.  I have lost two pounds.  Barely.

I have vigorously counted points.  I have been strategically planning food consumption to make the most of what I can have.  It's really not that hard.  Portion size is by far the most difficult part. 

...then again I am lucky that I actually like the taste of  vegetables. 

My total downfall is exercise.  We went to the gym one day out of the seven.  I went 4.5 miles on the bike and .5 on the treadmill to wrap it up. 

***Literally as I am typing about my lack of physical exercise, Good Morning America is announcing that there are people who exercise too much.  Heidi Montag exercises 14 hours per DAY!!!!!  I was exhausted after 30 minutes.   I would also like to add in at this moment that I in no way shape or form want to look like Heidi Montag nor look to her as a role model of physical fitness.  It was just ironic that as I claim that lack of exercise is my burden, other people may have the burden of being obsessed with exercise and a need to be thin.

While on the topic of Heidi Montag and her obsession with looks and weight lets get some things straight about me. 
--I will never be 110 pounds with a rockin hot bod.  It's not my body type and quite frankly I love food way too much and love sitting way too much. 
--I will always struggle with my weight. 
--I will go through phases where it bothers me more than others. 
--I will unfortunately become obsessed with the topic of weight loss when I am going through one of these phases.  Regardless if I am actually successful at it or not.
--I will always choose a cupcake over a carrot.
--I will always think I am pretty, even when I am fat.
--I will always be harsher on myself because I know I can do better.

With all that said, I will continue my day trying to do better than I have done the day before. 
...counting my points.  telling myself I need to get up and do something.
....while continuing to sit and contemplate what I should do. 
....and most likely end up sitting to work on wedding stuff. 
...even though mockingly, the wedding is the reason why I should be up and out and doing something.

I welcome my day

with some pretty hardcore anxiety and pressure to do well my first day on the new program, I totally flopped.  I had an "ok" type of day, but then had spaghetti, meatballs, garlic toast for dinner.

...and then again before bed.
PLUS a piece of chocolate cake.

I am a danger to myself and others.

SO after stuffing myself sooooo full and realizing just how poorly I did yesterday (39points OVER my allotted balance of 25), I woke up with a new outlook.  Wanna know my new outlook???

If I don't lose some weight, I will continue to look pregnant.
Which is bad....especially seeing as how I am NOT pregnant.

So this morning I have awoken to create a 3 egg white omelet complete with peppers, mushrooms, onions, and topped with 2 tbsp of salsa.  Not gonna lie---it was delicious.

With a new attitude included, I welcome my day.  I welcome my day and give myself well wishes not to become overwhelmed by the vast amount of information and not to give into my pantry of evil (yet delicious) foods.  Today I will create meals and snacks, record their points, so that when the hunger strikes I can make good informed choices instead of hasty tasty choices.

we will be taking our official engagement pictures in ONE week.  I would like to at least put a dent in the current Pop-belly I am toting around.
I know I won't perform miracles this next week.
I know my dreams of being anything smaller than a size 12 are long gone.

BUT I don't think it is too much to ask to reduce the pudge that so kindly makes people take a second look to decide if I am a girl "with child" or just a chubby chick in a moo-moo.  

That's right folks, the Dieting Drama queen is on a mission today.   So you best recognize that she is hungry, focused, and on the move!

Weight: 189.4

weight watchers

although I have been watching my weight like a hawk, it hasn't been doing me any good. 

SO with much encouragement from those around me I have ordered a Weight Watchers starter kit. 

Here's to new hope.
...when the kit gets here.

...til then I am gonna EAT! =)

Wedding Weight

You say the word WEDDING and suddenly people switch into high gear dieting.  No one wants to be remembered as heavy in wedding photos.

I am so proud of the accomplishments of my family and friends.  My mom has lost 8 pounds since the announcement.  My Maid of Honor has lost 6.  My awesome Dad is also being conscious of what he is eating.  They are taking proactive steps for not only a healthier lifestyle but also to ensure that they look good and feel good for our big day.  That makes me feel special that they would care that much.

Then there is me.  Desperately wanting to lose weight and can't seem to shed a single pound. 
At times like these I would just like to sit down with a tub of frosting and cry.

We are having our engagement photos taken in roughly two weeks.  I don't want to look like a two ton tessie in the pictures, but at this point I am afraid I have no choice.  The weight refuses to leave my body. 

It's almost like my fat is rebelling against me, screaming "HECK NO! WE WON'T GO!"  

While the skinny girl inside of me is singing "GET OUT! LEAVE! RIGHT NOW! It's the end of you and me.  It's too late, I can't wait for you to be gone.  You said that you would treat me right, but you were just a waste of time."

I feel like my inner skinny girl is struggling and will abandon me soon. 
...and never be seen again.



 

1000

Did you know there is 1080 calories in a chicken ceasar salad at an Outback Steakhouse restaurant?

Did you know that a Grilled Chicken Sandwich, medium fries, and a medium sweet tea is 920 calories?

Did you know that a traditional meal of meatloaf, homemade mashed potatoes with gravy, and corn is roughly 818 calories?

It is extremely easy to eat 1000 in just one sitting.

I have been doing well with keeping track of what I am eating and staying right at 1,000 a day.  They say to lose at least 1pound a week, you should eat 1500 calories.

It has been several days since I have been on my 1000 calorie a day diet...I got nothin. 
Except being hungry.

yay dieting.

Grocery Shopping

My cart of groceries was significantly different from a couple of weeks ago to now.

This week I filled my cart with fresh fruits and vegetables, fat free dressings, fat free yogurts and cottage cheese, and as a treat 100 calorie pack of CHOCOLATE COOKIES. 

I hope by leaving the horribly bad for you delicious stuff at the store, I will be forced to make good choices.   Because according to the calorie counter, if you want to lose at least 1 pound a week you need to consume under 1500 calories.    Which by the way, is incredibly difficult to do.

SO, by keeping most candy, snacky foods, and things that requiring deep frying out of the house I might be able to strive for my goal.  15 pounds by September.  

At least. 
More would be acceptable.

Going Going Gone

In an attempt to stay on top of my calorie intake today I have been vigilant in keeping track of what I have eaten.

In a perfect world we eat what we want and don't pour over the numbers of what we eat.

In the blink of an eye, you can use half your days calories without realizing it. 
...and without feeling even remotely full.

1 yogurt, 3 tablespoons of peanut butter, and a cheese and crackers snack later and I have already consumed 600 calories.

Did I mention it is only 9:45am?

http://www.everydayhealth.com/food-fitness/journal#/1#/5

Truth

Wanna know the truth?  
I went wedding shopping today.

Wanna know the truth?
I ate out TWICE today.

Wanna know the truth?
I have no intentions on going to work out today, but have every intention on eating a salad for dinner.

Wanna know the truth?
I want to look good in wedding pictures and in my dress so bad, that I am stressed out a little.  When I am stressed I want to eat.  When I eat I get stressed that I won't lose weight, and if I won't lose weight that will make me sad which will make me want to eat.  AHHHH!!!!!

The truth is, life is stressful and food is my socially accepted blankie. 
I need a replacement blankie.

Motivation

Here is my newest motivation. 
Here is my reason for losing the chins, the wings, and the rolls.  (*That almost sounded like a food menu...)
Here is my daily reminder that I have a goal within reach.
Here is my shiny new attitude about shedding pounds.

Chose with your brain, not your stomach

Don't you hate it when you order something at a restaurant or fast food place and as soon as your order has been taken something much better catches your eye?

That happened last night at Taco Bell. 

Greasy,  "Ground Beefy", cheesy taco bell.  YUM!

I ordered: 1, 5 layer Burrito (WHICH WAS DELICIOUS) and 1, $.99 Nachos. 

My order was taken from the dollar menu.  I honestly didn't even look at all of the other choices on the board.  I was going for cheap.  I was feeling good about spending only $2.08 when my savings high, turned to a calorie low.  I noticed that sitting RIGHT BESIDE the register was Taco Bell's Fresco options. 

The "Fresco" menu, which they are now calling the "Drive-Thru Diet" menu, looks like it is a really good alternative for people who want the deliciousness of Taco Bell without all the calories.  Lets break it down with a chart.

Drive-Thru Diet® Menu                          

Fresco Bean Burrito- Calories:  350  Calories from Fat:  70 2.5

 Fresco Burrito Supreme®Chicken –Calories:  350  Calories from Fat:  70 Grams of Fat:2.5

Fresco Burrito Supreme® Steak– Calories:  340  Calories from Fat:  80  Grams of Fat:  2.5

Fresco Chicken Soft Taco- Calories:  150 Calories from Fat: 30  Grams of Fat:  3.5

Fresco Crunchy Taco- Calories: 150   Calories from Fat:70   Grams of Fat:2.5

Fresco Grilled Steak Soft Taco- Calories:  150  Calories from Fat:  35   Grams of Fat: 1.5

Fresco Soft Taco- Calories: 180   Calories from Fat: 60   Grams of Fat:  2.5

THIS is what I had
(....which basically sums up the entire point of today's words.  CHOOSE WISELY, not quickly and or cheaply.)

Beefy 5-Layer Burrito	: Calories:	540	Fat Calories: 190	Grams of Saturated Fat						8

Satisfied Regret

Immediately after eating the very large slice of pizza roll yesterday morning, I felt nothing but satisfied regret.

It was delicious...don't get me wrong.

however, I knew that was the wrong choice and I honestly felt bad about it.
...and that's a new experience for me.  Feeling true guilt for eating something instead of secret euphoria.

After my little breakfast incident, I went to the gym.  I was on the treadmill for 40 minutes and the bike for 10.  I went four miles total, and wanted to throw up a little when I was done.
(*I was REALLY regretting the pizza at that point in my day).

I was extremely aware of my earlier decision all day. Each time I would find myself opening a cabinet or milling through the fridge, I would stop and think about how I could have quite possibly thrown my entire days worth of calories away all before 7am.

The good news I learned from my choice, and hopefully I can continue to keep that conscious spirit with me as I head into today.

Wednesday: 189.2
Thursday: 188.5

Temptation

TEMPTATION
–noun

1.  enticement or allurement.

2.  the state of being lured, especially to evil.

My temptation this morning is the leftover Pizza Roll in the fridge.  It has hamburger, pepperoni, mushrooms, olives, peppers, onions, sauce, cheese, and a delicious crescent roll crust.   Did I mention garlic butter brushed on the outside?!

There is exactly 1 piece left in some rubbermaid tupperware sitting on the top shelf.

...next to the fresh fruit....right above the yogurt. 

---you know, the things I should want to eat. 

I can't seem to move past the smell that has been left behind in the kitchen.  The overwhelming yet subtle smell of garlic and sauce is almost too much for me to bear.  How does one eat a pineapple yogurt with cantelope when there is something so enticing, alluring, and quite frankly EVIL lurking about?

I could just throw it down the disposal.  I could throw it in the trash.  I could feed it to the dog.

...but think about all those starving children...

It just wouldn't be right to let something like that go to waste.  

So I guess it's settled.  I must eat it. 

You know...for the children. 

Today's weight: 189.2 

Pictures say a thousand words

 This is me when I was 7-9 years old.  You can see my round face and double chin.  I have always been a little bigger than I should be.

 This is me my Sophomore year in College.  I was walking EVERYWHERE I needed to go.  Literally walked miles a day and ate salads 2x a day every day (*because most of the dining hall food was inedible.)

 Believe it or not, this is me.  This is me at my smallest.  When I see this picture, I have a hard time seeing myself in this girl.

 This is after my first year of teaching.  I had been going to the gym a lot, and overall felt pretty good about myself.

 This is from the Fall.  I look pregnant.

This is from this winter.  My chins got out of control.   My eyes don't even look healthy.

This past spring I got a handle on my chins.  These pictures keep me grounded.  I know not to become too comfortable and just settle for what my body has become. 

Monday weight: 192.4
Tuesday weight: 189.8

FED up

I am all fed up. 

literally and physically.

Today I reclaim my space at the gym.

...take that fat!

Sunday weight; 190.2
Monday weight: 192.4
scales don't lie.

2 steps forward, 3 steps back

lost two pounds, gained 3 back.

One may ask..."how is this possible?  how does one manage such a regressive slide when they are intentionally watching what they eat?"

Well to answer the questions above, I apparently was just watching the food as I was eating it.


You see, you can easily throw away a whole day of good choices when you indulge in perhaps a corn dog, or a piece of coconut cream pie, or maybe a tater tot or two (or 6).  Even if all you had that day was a salad and a string cheese.

It also doesn't matter how many hours of kayak rowing you put in.  If you eat 2 pieces of bbq grilled chicken and your weights worth in homemade cream cheese cherry danish, you will not see progress.



So here I am.  3 pounds heavier with nothing to show for it except for sore shoulders and tight pants.


....awesome.



Weight Friday: 187.6
Weight Sunday: 190.2

Dieting is a Battlefield

www.findyourbodytype.com

So this website basically wants to sell you a dieting plan, BUT you can get some really good information about what body type you have.  You enter in some information about sleep habits, cravings, height, weight, and such then it will give you a body type your information most closely relates to.  Mine was right on target.

You Are An Adrenal Body Type

When your body can’t handle stress, it creates an increase of the hormone, cortisol. The purpose of Cortisol is to help you survive and handle stress.

Excess cortisol causes your body to produce fat. Why? Because "Fat", to the body, is potential energy. Body fat is stored by your body as energy reserves.

Your body works in this cycle: the more stress the more cortisol, the more cortisol the more energy reserves. This results in more and more fat storage. 

You have the most challenging body type because of this imbalance.

Whether you realize it or not, you are in a constant state of stress. You are very active mentally, always thinking and solving problems. You can’t stop thinking.

You have dark circles under your eyes. You crave chocolate, energy drinks and salt; which is a sign of your blood sugar issues. You may find yourself eating six times a day just to stabilize your sugar levels.

The Three Stages of The Adrenal Body Type

You will start to see the various stages your body will go through. As your body type stages progress, you will develop a sagging stomach. Your face becomes round, you develop a double chin, and start storing fat in other places like the back. You have inflammation and swollen ankles or hands and get stiffness and pain in your the hamstrings.
By Stage 3, your muscle proteins begin to break down in your legs, which causes them to have tremendous difficulty climbing stairs. As an Adrenal Body Type person's stages continue to progress, they feel overwhelmed. Arthritis and pains in the heel of the foot and lower back become chronic.
Ironically, following a low calorie diet with strenuous exercise makes the Adrenal Body Type worse. You are adding MORE stress into an already stressed-out body. Adrenal body types often develop an addiction to stimulants, like energy drinks and caffeine. These are triggers for more fat storage.

SO, I took this information from the body type quiz and researched further into what foods would stabilize my blood sugar and help boost my metabolism without stressing my body out.  Here's what I found:

A-Types are stocky, with “tucked” rear ends and potbellies without pronounced waists. Type-As crave meat and salty foods, which over-stimulate their adrenal glands. The Body Type Diet for As emphasizes  carbohydrates, light dairy products, vegetables, and caffeine (if desired). By eating like this, they stimulate their thyroid glands and bring their hormones into balance, leading to a “lighter, more flexible metabolism.” A light breakfast and lunch with more calories in the evening meal is their ideal schedule.



Knowledge is power.  I feel powerful today knowing that there is an honest, god given reason why I am fat and always have had issues with my weight.  I can take what I know to help me battle the bulge.   


...because every day dieting is a battlefield.

 

 

 

Yesterday weigh in: 189.9
Today weigh in: 187.6