a new challenge

I have been proud to have lost the little bit of weight I have.
I have been prouder to maintain that loss.

I have integrated high fiber foods into my diet.
I use only olive oil. 
I typically eat the recommended serving amount of vegetables/fruits.

So this year when I had my blood tests done for insurance purposes at work, I was pretty confident that my results would show some positive changes.

ONE result came back better.  I had dropped my triglyceride level by 100 points from last time!
However, my blood sugar was 103 (not terrible, but something to watch) and my cholesterol...well let's just say it wasn't awesome.

After a doctor's appt yesterday, I was reminded about my results.  Apparently, for a 28 year old my cholesterol is pretty bad.  And yes...those were his words.  "Wow...that's pretty bad".

SO I have been given three months to lower this cholesterol.  I guess I have a lot of research to be doing to see what foods will help lower (although I thought high fiber/whole grains were supposed to help) the overall cholesterol so that I don't have to start taking medication for it.

I would rather not be on a ton of medications, but he is almost certain at this point because of my age and weight loss that if that number stays the same or gets higher I can thank my family genetics.

This all comes at a time when I was already thinking about the struggles I would face at Thanksgiving and Christmas.  NOW I have to try even more.

It will all work out. 
Just something new to face head on and conquer.

Leveled off in time for the Holiday season

I have leveled off at 174.  That's my average anyway.

I have maintained---which is AWESOME!

Whenever I have "dieted" before the weight came back on in the blink of an eye.  Not this time (thank God!)

With fall weather changing and delicious holidays on the way I am nervous about the willpower to control portions.  You can eat ANYTHING as long as you portion correctly and balance your diet appropriately.

I'm worried that with Halloween I will try to say that Twizzlers are fruit, Snickers have protein!

And at Thanksgiving, am I really going to argue when my sweet potatoes are covered in marshmallows and sugar?

Will I refuse a sweet gift of Christmas fudge?
No.  That's just rude.


Oh the Holidays are my favorite time of year.
but it is also my nemesis.

I love traditions.
but I am not a fan of the tradition I have with gaining massive amounts of pounds every holiday season.

two little pieces of toast

it may seem silly, but I eat 2 pieces of high fiber toast with butter and cinnamon/sugar on top EVERY morning before work.

oddly, those two tiny pieces of dried up bread carry me through my morning til lunch.  today, I am not getting my toast because I am having a fasting blood draw done at 7:45 am. 

I just don't know if I will make it.

I am on edge.  I am shaky.
I am a HUNGRY GIRL WHO NEEDS HER TOAST.

just two little pieces of toast.  I mean really, is that too much to ask?

You can't toast toast then eat it later, either.
You have to eat it warm.
ESPECIALLY with the butter and sugar.

wow, who knew that something so insignificant could throw off an entire start to a day.
two silly pieces of bread.
a little butter.
delicious cinnamon.

Just breathe and move on.
Just breathe and focus.
Just breathe.

It's just toast.

....maybe I can bring my toaster to work with me?!?! :)

Holding strong

176 is my new normal.

I appreciate it.
I am confused by it.
I am starting to "feel it"

Once you lose weight, at first you are just impressed at how your clothes begin to fit you. Your pants are typically the most accurate measure of how much weight/inches you have lost.

Some are just right.
Some turn into "pull ups", you know, when you have to pull up your pants after after third step.
Some are sooooo close to fitting but you're just not quite there yet (*but you still try them on at least once a week JUST in case something has changed).
And then there are some pants that remind you that although you have made progress, they still pinch around your middle by the end of the day.

I wore a pair of shorts this week that reminded me that although I can be proud that I have lost 20 pounds since January, I haven't completely lost everything I need.  I looked at those love handles as a reminder that even though I am not "dieting" just eating real food with good portion sizes, perhaps I can throw in a few more vegetables, salads, or fruit.  What can it hurt? 

I want to try putting fruit on the table at dinner time.
I want to make 3 vegetables with the main dish instead of just one or two.
I want to make homemade applebutter....but that's a different story.

This is do-able.
This is real eating.
Real Life.
Slowly but surely.

holy cow!!!

Yeah...thats my number today. Some would still be horrified to see this bright red number flashing back at you. I am ecstatic. This is 3 pounds down since last week.

Hot dog!!!

I will take it. :)

Back to school (and I have been bad...)

Since going back into my classroom just two short weeks ago, my husband and I have eaten more fast food for dinner than we have allll summer. 

CONFESSION: 
I have had pizza, chicken nuggets, fries, a quarter pounder WITH cheese, a red robin turkey burger with steak fries, Mongolian with noodles, doritos, ice cream cones (yes, plural), cake....
well I mean I didn't eat this all in one day but you get the picture. I have been bad. 

CELEBRATION!!!!
I still weigh in at 179!!!  I don't really understand the science behind this phenomenon but WOO-HOO! 

I think I would like to credit my awesome breakfast routine (fiber toast, egg whites, canadian bacon) in the morning and the consumption of a yogurt each day.  I have been monitoring my breakfast and lunch more carefully because I was preparing myself for these "off limits" dinners. I also heard on Dr. OZ one day that when you take Vitamin D and Calcium supplements together OR eat one container of yogurt (it has vitamin D and calcium!) you create a natural fat burner.  Maybe, just maybe that has been helping.  AND maybe some credit to that big salad I have with my burgers and pizza instead of fries and garlic bread.

Whatever it may be, I have not been going totally crazy with the crappy food, but I can fully appreciate the balance of what I am doing.

...even though I probably could be moving a little bit more.

choices

I have officially hit the 179 marker. 
Still big, but still proud =)

I am more proud of the fact that I have overcome my old ways when facing adversity.  This week I have: gone back to my classroom to work, sat through an overwhelming workshop, and I had a "lady appt" at the dr (you know what I'm talking about....yeah...that.) and by the time I got out of there on Thursday, I was about at my limit of anxiety for the week. After the appt, I went to Walmart to kill some time before having lunch with my husband.  Do you know what items do they sell at Walmart?

CHIPS.
CHOCOLATE.
DIET COKE.

I reached for it all, but put it all back.
now, for most of you that's not a big deal.

If it's not a big deal for you then you do not use food as an emotional blankie, so to speak.
If you do think it's a big deal then you will understand that I just overcame my worst and oldest habit of reaching for food to comfort and console my anxiety/stress.  (*I reached for that clearance rack dress instead! Just FYI, I have a really nice closet after this summer!)

If I would have caved and ate that bag of chips or candy bar, I would have successfully opened the flood gates to commence using the "eating crutch" whenever I felt that way.  I would have eaten the "treat" quickly and secretly.  I would have then berated myself for doing it there by starting the frenzy that would have spiraled out of control.  One bag of chips and any work I have done this summer would have been completely shot out of the water.

and you may think I am overreacting, but I am not.
just one little bag.
just one little candy bar.
just one little choice.

 It's never just one little choice.  Every choice is a big choice.
you just don't realize it at the time.