To answer your question...

Yes.  These are my feet.

Yes.  That is the real number.

Yes.  I am aware that this is a problem.
**Especially since I am only 5'4" and have not had a baby.

Yes.

I am doing something about it.

This is my "breakfast and lunches" plan with weight watchers (*regular program NOT points plus).  Since I typically don't have a lot of time to prepare foods for breakfast and lunch, I scoured my booklets to see what options I could eat and be able to quickly keep track throughout my busy week.   Through the summer I had more time to prepare foods and had more time to have snacks.  Through my school day with preschoolers, there really is no time for snacking and with the few minutes I get for lunch, I don't want to spend half my down time fixing a lunch.


This is where I am starting.  I am taking the "Slowly, but surely" approach. Weening myself off the oreos, chips, and chocolate covered granola bars.  Much like smoking, you can't just go cold turkey.  If I tried to hop off the junkfood wagon, I have a feeling I would chase it down and eat the wheels off.

...I'm just sayin.

CONFESSION #872

CONFESSION....

I secretly eat Vienna Sausages.

Yes, the gross little mushy sausages you have to clean the goo off of to eat.

...and I love them.

I have had a secret addiction to them lately.  Especially at night.

This confession comes after eating 4 little viennas and tempting myself to go back for the other 3.



I recently found the 50% less fat brand and that opened up the door to my allowing the snacking to begin.  Typically they are TERRIBLE for you.  Well of course there is the obvious processed "meat" problem, but with the sodium and fat content you can burn up 140 calories on just 3 little sausages.  So naturally I thought I was getting quite the bargain when I can eat the WHOLE can for what half the other can is.

...then we ran out of the 50% less fat brand.  Did that stop me from consuming them?

Not even close.

So in an attempt to steer clear of the remaining deliciousness that is currently awaiting in the refrigerator, I am typing these words to remind myself that in theory THEY ARE REALLY BAD FOR YOU AND YOU SHOULD NOT EAT THEM.

Make me smile, Monday

 

The morning stretch

so it's been 3 weeks since the BIG DAY!  We got married September 3, 2011 and I weighed in at 178.0 on the wedding day.  That's 11 pounds lighter than when I started weight watchers and roughly 15 pounds lighter than I weighed last winter/spring. 

Not bad if you ask me. 
Not bad at all.

Since the wedding I have gone on to maintain (well...mostly maintain) my weight loss by only gaining 1-3 pounds back.  This still fluctuates from day to day, but I am really surprised the weight is staying off.  Especially seeing as how I abandoned tracking any "points" of any kind in my weight watchers journal. 

When LIFE started happening again, I lost all commitment to weight watchers and I had to start focusing my attention on more than just record keeping, basic math, and food portioning.  I started back to school stuff, my mom was diagnosed with cancer, and the wedding was within weeks.  LIFE hit me hard and I was in no position to make rational decisions about "points." 

....essentially I was falling apart in the middle of my life and I wanted chocolate and cheeseburgers.  I felt as though what I was going through was justification enough and the weight watchers people would truly understand if I bailed off the bandwagon.

I have been noticing my school clothes fit better and I have slightly more energy before at work. BUT just when you start getting used to your "NEW AND IMPROVED" weight, you start noticing that you could lose a few more. 

The double chin isn't as single as you thought it was. 
Your muffin top is no longer a double layer cake, but more like a bad spare tire hanging around. 
Your arms still jiggle. 
Your endurance still poor.
and even though your pants fit better...it still takes the Morning Stretch to really break them in.

You know what I'm talking about. 
...We are all guilty of doing it. 

The morning stretch is when you go to put your shirt on--you put the mid section of your shirt on your arms, then carefully move your arms in and out to gently stretch your shirt just a smidgen.  Then you put your pants on and proceed to do some light squats in your bedroom to get them just right.  

All in all, I praise my new weight and I am glad I am able to be proud of the accomplishments I have made.  I just have to set a new goal and go for that one now.  (***Which, by the way, will be difficult with all the delicious fall baking I want to be doing.)   

Battle between woman and scale

Last week I had a bad week. 

I realized just how much I rely on food to be my emotional crutch when things go wrong.

The only good thing that came out of the amount of food I pounded back last week is I didn't GAIN any weight.  I however did not lose any either.  not even an ounce. 
...but after the way I ate,  I will take a small victory where ever I can get it.

Although, the scale has been stuck on 184 for a couple of weeks now. 
I can't seem to break through it.

The number 184 has been flashing back at me every single day.
taunting me. 

CONFESSION TIME:
One morning I stepped on the scale.  The number said 187.  In my sleepy stupor I did something irrational and fulfilling.     ...I gave my scale the bird.

Surely not my finest moment, but encompassed my true feelings on the battle between woman and scale.

forgiveness

I had a great day of dieting.  Going back to work did wonders for taking the snacking out of my day.


HOWEVER....I can't seem to stop eating this evening.

I did great at dinner.  Grilled Chicken Sandwhich with a side salad and Italian dressing.

Then I had some veggie straws.
...then I had some more.

THEN I had a couple of buffalo wings.
..then I devoured a hunk of summer sausage.

I am going to blame this on "that time of the month" issues and call it a day.

...I hope the scale will be forgiving.

The mirror

 I look in the mirror and I don't see my double chin (*as much) anymore.

I look in the mirror and I feel like my waist slowly appearing again.

I look in the mirror and I see my skin clearing up slowly.

I look in the mirror and I can't imagine how I ever thought I was too fat at 160 pounds.  I long to feel that small again.

I look in the mirror and I find the wrinkles appearing on my forehead and the crows feet at the corners of my eyes.

I look in the mirror and I don't see that fresh teen face I used to have.  I see a face that somehow, without my knowledge or consent, has aged.  Dark, puffy circles under my eyes and tired appearance... ven when I am fully rested.

I look in the mirror and I wonder when the last time I tweezed my eyebrows was....but I will wait for another day so I will have clean eyes for a special occasion.

I look in the mirror and I wish this body hadn't gotten so out of control so quickly because it is taking way more energy to fix it that it took to make it.

I look in the mirror and I look into my mom's eyes.  My dad's round face.  My genes that are assisting me in my body's journey to weight gain and aging.

I look in the mirror and I am oddly satisfied for today. 
hard to believe I know.

I am oddly satisfied with how I look today because I can see the progress I have made. 

I can't change the wrinkles. 
I can't take the puffy, dark circles away (*Even though Loreal makeup claims it can). 

I can embrace that I am growing into a new body...because these woman hips won't ever fit in those hip hugging college jeans.

I can discover a new lifestyle.  One with age wrinkle creams and watching the foods I eat.  And not just as I am eating them.

I look in the mirror and I am beginning to accept me. 
Jiggly arms. 
Spare tire. 
Extra chin. 
Crows feet. 
Dark circles. 
Woman hips. 
They are all part of me now. 

I look in the mirror and things don't seem so bad this morning.